Well, I have both good and bad news...which one should I tell you about first?
The bad? Get it over with now?
Alright then.
Bad news is this: I lost the chance at renting my dream cabin! I've been checking on it every single day while waiting on my money to come in to make sure no one else rented it before me for the 29th-30th of October...well, yesterday morning I checked while having a slight sense of dread...and sure enough, my sixth sense was right! It had been rented! So, I lost my #1 favorite, dream cabin! It feels terrible...my heart had been set on that one! But alas, I can do nothing about it...no sense in crying over spilled milk they say! Nothing you can do after it spills any way, just clean up the mess and continue along.
So, I went through their website and took note of some other cabins that are still open that I think are okay...they're not my dream cabin, but they're good enough. The only problem is they don't fit my top 3 criteria: good mountaintop view, wifi, and my own bed. All the other ones in my price range with wifi...are in the hills...not the mountaintop...but I've decided that the view is my #1 priority, so...no wifi it is, but at least I will get a good view! Also, I may have thought of something else to help out with my 'no wifi' issue...since my cellphone is a monthly advance pay plan...I can, for the month of October, add on a data plan and use my phone as a hot spot at the cabin! It will be slow as all get out...but at least I'll be able to check on my e-mail and school assignments if need be.
So...good news time!
I have an officiant! And two bridesmaids! Wheee!!!
I managed to suck it up (remember my fear of asking people favors?) and ask 3 of my closest friends to help out. I asked one of my friends to officiate for me, as sort of a return for officiating her wedding, plus, she's also pretty cool and said her hubby may just show up with fake beard and shot gun for my wedding! lmao!! (Sort of an in-joke I know...XD) Then I asked my two best friends to be my bridesmaids. They've been with me since I was 9 years old! So, of course, I wanted them to be with me for such an important day as well! And they both said they support my idea, even better! So excited! I've also made plans to 'treat' these three lovely gals for all their help when it gets closer to the date. :3
My only other concern is how many people will show up for the wedding, and the party, and if they'll have a lot of fun and enjoy themselves! (I certainly hope so! *fingers crossed it goes well*)
....and the decorations...but that's all later...shopping is in my future!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Wedding Update #5: A Cake and...ARGH!
So, there's been a slight change with my cake, but good thing is that I got confirmation this time! I'm having my wonderful cake made by Jennifer Noble from the Treehouse Cafe and Bakery, which is new and going to open soon. (Apparently she formerly worked at Py Cakes...I dunno what all happened...but I'm just glad I got someone to make my cake!) She was very nice and answered very quickly to all my questions and such, so I'm very happy about that! :) And not only am I gonna get my awesome cake, but it was very well priced too! Considering the sorts of prices I've seen on fancy cakes before, I was expecting it to be WAY up there! But, I was pleasantly surprised with the price! It made me even happier knowing how affordable it would be! So, I'm going to have a cake similar to the one I posted before, 2 layers, made out of red velvet and chocolate, and the pumpkin on top will be made out of rice crispies! Sounds yummy huh? (So happy!!!)
Now onto the next food related thing. I've decided where to cater the noms! I want a nice filling meal for everyone so I decided to go with some more home-style foods. I'm going to hopefully get all the side dishes from KFC and order some chicken from Joe's Drive-In. (You see, in the past couple of years I've had "issues" with the local KFC's chicken...namely that my chicken was always in a giant puddle of grease! I mean, no piece of fried chicken should be so greasy as to have the grease come through the parchment paper under it, through its cardboard box, and through several napkins under the box! And then to pick it up and have the skin slowly slide off into its own greasy pile...is...disgusting! And yes, I've ate at other KFC's that were just fine, and sometimes the local one is okay...but lately their track record with me has been...well...eww...at best...so...yeah, Joe's Chicken is the main course winner! That stuff was pretty much better than KFC's anyway! Go Joe's! But...I do love KFC's side dishes better! Their mashed potatoes and gravy is wonderful! (I mean, who DOESN'T like mashed taters!? Okay, so maybe the tater-loving Irish in me is sticking out a bit, but oh well!) Also, their Mac n Cheese! My Mom hates it as she likes more liquidy Mac, but I LOVE KFC's thick, ooey, gooey, cheesey Mac n Cheese! And their biscuits! Mmmm... Also, their cole slaw isn't bad either, and I'm not that much of a cole slaw lover, so that's saying quite a bit!)
The only thing this leaves is the appetizers and snacks, which I would like to be all..."creepy" for the occasion. So far, that's gonna be up to me to make, not sure how that's gonna turn out without some help. I want quite a few 'creepy' foods too, both sweets and savory ones. I'm thinking of trying my hand at things like foot-shaped meatloaf and such...we'll see how that goes. Hopefully someone with better cooking skills can lend me a hand! *pun most definitely intended XD*
So, the reception place is rented, cake has been ordered, caterers decided (will have to contact them about info on their catering services - but I'm rather certain they both do them. Joe's I know does, and I know KFC enjoys large orders (by the way, how weird is it to go to KFC and order only side dishes I wonder? lol) Also, the driving plan for that morning has been set! Go to Hazard, pick up cake, drive by KFC, then (since I'm going to Whitesburg, I can go by the lake way and stop by Joe's and then onto the 'burg. I wonder if the library will be okay with locking up the meeting room and kitchen so we can keep unwanted people out of the decorations and food during wedding time?) So far, so good! Just have to buy my dress (*fingers crossed that Pretty Impressions still has the one I want, 'cause eBay shipping from China might not make it in time!) and all the decor now pretty much (many Halloween shopping trips with my besties have been planned!) Except for one little thing...
RED RIVER GORGE! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
Okay, so, I'm okay (so far) the cabin I want is still available for the 29th and 30th of October. (I know it is, because every.SINGLE.day I check their website like someone with OCD! And pray that when I scroll the reservations calendar to October that those days aren't covered in green squares (meaning 'reserved'). So far, so good...but it doesn't calm my worrying though.) I talked to my Mom about lending me some cash...but, she got started on this "That's too much (not what she would need to lend me, but for the total- that I'M paying!); Why don't you just take us?; We'd like to go!; Why don't you make your friends pay!" sort of thing...ugh. What I can't seem to get her to understand is that, whether anyone else goes or not - I'M GOING! Which means, if no one else went, I'd still be out the same amount! Plus, if my friends all had to pay I'd likely be going alone! I don't mind! I'm going anyway, and some of them will be paying the gas to drive themselves there, the only thing different is, I won't be going alone this way! And yes, they could come, but my family doesn't get along with all my friends, plus, they know nothing of this wedding thing and nothing about my asexuality! I don't want it to be awkward or there to be fights! (That's the opposite of what I want while there!) So...for now, I'm stuck with no clue on how to reserve my precious cabin for those days until I get my money in September, which may (or may not, hopefully) be too late. I can only keep my fingers crossed and pray that no one rents out that cabin for then before I can get to it.
And finally, the last thing. GUESTS! Again! I have a total of 6 people saying that they will be there right now, and 2 maybe's. (But, as we all know, normally only half the people who say their coming usually make it - at least in my experience.) So at the VERY best (everyone comes) that will be...8 people... :| And it will likely be closer to 3-4, if my experience counts for anything. That's...REALLY disappointing! For both the wedding and the party! I would ideally like to have around 6-8 really devoted people at the wedding and closer to 15+ for the dinner and party. After all, party's should have LOTS of people dancing and having fun! And, what am I going to do about an officiant or bridesmaids!? *sigh* What to do, what to do... I can always make a separate event page for the party, make it a friend's event instead of invite only, that should (theoretically) bring in more people for the party...but that doesn't help the wedding situation. Also, why don't people respond to invites!? Like it would kill them to take a second to click 'join', 'maybe', or 'decline'! I can see it if you're not sure about your schedule yet...but it's annoying, at least let me know something! Ordering food amounts without knowing how many people might be coming is...a dangerous guessing game between having WAY too much food, and WAY too less. Please let me know something people! (I should mention, also, since the event page I made was for the whole thing, I'm not really sure to what (out of my 8-10 guests) are going to show up for. I asked them to post whether they were going to the wedding, reception dinner, party, or all...but I only got like, 1 solid answer for that... :S
Anyway, trying to keep my spirits (lol!) up here and hope for the best! Maybe some sort of strange Halloween magick will be worked and I'll have lots of nice guests! (Hear that my witchy friends? You have my permission to work yer magicks! lol) After all, I'll need support there, and there will be a 1st, 2nd, 3rd place costume contest - I'll need plenty of guests to make that fun!)
Also, officiant-san, bridesmaids-san...(had to weird that up a bit there didn't I? XD) Where are you? Who will be you? Hm...
Now onto the next food related thing. I've decided where to cater the noms! I want a nice filling meal for everyone so I decided to go with some more home-style foods. I'm going to hopefully get all the side dishes from KFC and order some chicken from Joe's Drive-In. (You see, in the past couple of years I've had "issues" with the local KFC's chicken...namely that my chicken was always in a giant puddle of grease! I mean, no piece of fried chicken should be so greasy as to have the grease come through the parchment paper under it, through its cardboard box, and through several napkins under the box! And then to pick it up and have the skin slowly slide off into its own greasy pile...is...disgusting! And yes, I've ate at other KFC's that were just fine, and sometimes the local one is okay...but lately their track record with me has been...well...eww...at best...so...yeah, Joe's Chicken is the main course winner! That stuff was pretty much better than KFC's anyway! Go Joe's! But...I do love KFC's side dishes better! Their mashed potatoes and gravy is wonderful! (I mean, who DOESN'T like mashed taters!? Okay, so maybe the tater-loving Irish in me is sticking out a bit, but oh well!) Also, their Mac n Cheese! My Mom hates it as she likes more liquidy Mac, but I LOVE KFC's thick, ooey, gooey, cheesey Mac n Cheese! And their biscuits! Mmmm... Also, their cole slaw isn't bad either, and I'm not that much of a cole slaw lover, so that's saying quite a bit!)
The only thing this leaves is the appetizers and snacks, which I would like to be all..."creepy" for the occasion. So far, that's gonna be up to me to make, not sure how that's gonna turn out without some help. I want quite a few 'creepy' foods too, both sweets and savory ones. I'm thinking of trying my hand at things like foot-shaped meatloaf and such...we'll see how that goes. Hopefully someone with better cooking skills can lend me a hand! *pun most definitely intended XD*
So, the reception place is rented, cake has been ordered, caterers decided (will have to contact them about info on their catering services - but I'm rather certain they both do them. Joe's I know does, and I know KFC enjoys large orders (by the way, how weird is it to go to KFC and order only side dishes I wonder? lol) Also, the driving plan for that morning has been set! Go to Hazard, pick up cake, drive by KFC, then (since I'm going to Whitesburg, I can go by the lake way and stop by Joe's and then onto the 'burg. I wonder if the library will be okay with locking up the meeting room and kitchen so we can keep unwanted people out of the decorations and food during wedding time?) So far, so good! Just have to buy my dress (*fingers crossed that Pretty Impressions still has the one I want, 'cause eBay shipping from China might not make it in time!) and all the decor now pretty much (many Halloween shopping trips with my besties have been planned!) Except for one little thing...
RED RIVER GORGE! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
Okay, so, I'm okay (so far) the cabin I want is still available for the 29th and 30th of October. (I know it is, because every.SINGLE.day I check their website like someone with OCD! And pray that when I scroll the reservations calendar to October that those days aren't covered in green squares (meaning 'reserved'). So far, so good...but it doesn't calm my worrying though.) I talked to my Mom about lending me some cash...but, she got started on this "That's too much (not what she would need to lend me, but for the total- that I'M paying!); Why don't you just take us?; We'd like to go!; Why don't you make your friends pay!" sort of thing...ugh. What I can't seem to get her to understand is that, whether anyone else goes or not - I'M GOING! Which means, if no one else went, I'd still be out the same amount! Plus, if my friends all had to pay I'd likely be going alone! I don't mind! I'm going anyway, and some of them will be paying the gas to drive themselves there, the only thing different is, I won't be going alone this way! And yes, they could come, but my family doesn't get along with all my friends, plus, they know nothing of this wedding thing and nothing about my asexuality! I don't want it to be awkward or there to be fights! (That's the opposite of what I want while there!) So...for now, I'm stuck with no clue on how to reserve my precious cabin for those days until I get my money in September, which may (or may not, hopefully) be too late. I can only keep my fingers crossed and pray that no one rents out that cabin for then before I can get to it.
 |
| I mean, who wouldn't want to go here!? Look at the view through those windows! Amazing! |
And finally, the last thing. GUESTS! Again! I have a total of 6 people saying that they will be there right now, and 2 maybe's. (But, as we all know, normally only half the people who say their coming usually make it - at least in my experience.) So at the VERY best (everyone comes) that will be...8 people... :| And it will likely be closer to 3-4, if my experience counts for anything. That's...REALLY disappointing! For both the wedding and the party! I would ideally like to have around 6-8 really devoted people at the wedding and closer to 15+ for the dinner and party. After all, party's should have LOTS of people dancing and having fun! And, what am I going to do about an officiant or bridesmaids!? *sigh* What to do, what to do... I can always make a separate event page for the party, make it a friend's event instead of invite only, that should (theoretically) bring in more people for the party...but that doesn't help the wedding situation. Also, why don't people respond to invites!? Like it would kill them to take a second to click 'join', 'maybe', or 'decline'! I can see it if you're not sure about your schedule yet...but it's annoying, at least let me know something! Ordering food amounts without knowing how many people might be coming is...a dangerous guessing game between having WAY too much food, and WAY too less. Please let me know something people! (I should mention, also, since the event page I made was for the whole thing, I'm not really sure to what (out of my 8-10 guests) are going to show up for. I asked them to post whether they were going to the wedding, reception dinner, party, or all...but I only got like, 1 solid answer for that... :S
Anyway, trying to keep my spirits (lol!) up here and hope for the best! Maybe some sort of strange Halloween magick will be worked and I'll have lots of nice guests! (Hear that my witchy friends? You have my permission to work yer magicks! lol) After all, I'll need support there, and there will be a 1st, 2nd, 3rd place costume contest - I'll need plenty of guests to make that fun!)
Also, officiant-san, bridesmaids-san...(had to weird that up a bit there didn't I? XD) Where are you? Who will be you? Hm...
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wedding Update #4: One Day After the problems...
So, I called Py Cakes today and asked if they would be able to do a cake for the 27th of October and they said yes! So, I just finished e-mailing them the details of my order. I can only hope it all goes well since they never responded to my posts or my last e-mail. But at least they have the day open for me! That's something! *fingers crossed that it works out and I get a gorgeous cake!*
Onto one of my other problems...the cabin. I still don't know what to do about that! I've been thinking of asking my Mom to let me borrow some of my Christmas money she has saved to reserve it and then pay her back come September so that I can make sure I have the cabin reserved before someone else grabs it! But, when I tried to casually bring it up yesterday (I absolutely freak out when asking someone something!) she didn't seem to care too much about the idea, so I'm still VERY worried about that! I still have not told her about my plans, I just said I was wanting to go to Red River Gorge - which I've been wanting to do for about a year now. So she has no idea how important getting the right cabin and getting it on the right date means to me. (Then again, I've yet to even come out to my parents about my asexuality either...even though I wrote a letter out to them months ago...I have yet to have the guts to print it out and give it to them. >.< I'm a scaredy cat, I'll admit that.)
So, I likely have the library for my reception and party and I likely will have a cake! That's 2 out of 4 down! (Unless something comes up....please, oh please, let everything work out!!!!) But I still don't know what to do about the "honeymoon" trip or about how many people are going to come. In my e-mail to Py Cakes I told them there would be around 20 people...but so far I only have 5-6 people coming and that's if they ALL make it! And I'm not sure yet if all those are coming to the wedding or just the dinner and party. (So far, only one person has for absolutely sure said they are coming to the wedding...that's...disappointing (but yay for that one person!)..."C'mon people! Get a move on!")
Also, I have yet to find someone to officiate. They obviously don't need to be legally ordained or anything since this isn't a legal wedding. I just need someone who can be there to preside over the wedding, someone who can be serious and say a few things as well as someone who can be very comforting and reliable; I want it to be someone I look up to...but that isn't working out yet. I also really want to have at least a couple bridesmaids. (I guess in my case, they would be my best (friends/) supporters.) I have some people in mind that I'd LOVE to ask! But, I'm afraid that asking them specifically would end in them feeling honored and saying "Absolutely!" even if they don't really want to be a part of it (what I wouldn't do to be able to have the power to know if they really want to do it or not before asking!) (I guess you could say I'm paranoid about feeling like I'm forcing them...err...okay, so I actually do suffer from a mild bit of paranoia in general...but still.) After all, they'd have to buy their dresses and such (well, I could buy them for them as gifts if I really, really had to I guess) and then there's whether they'd actually like the dresses that I want them to wear or if they'd just wear them the one time because of me and I don't want them to have to buy or wear something that they don't love as much as I do! Perhaps I worry far too much eh? But it still bothers me.
So yeah...things still feel very stalled right now...perhaps not as failing as yesterday...uhm...a *pinches fingers together* tad. But yeah, I still don't feel very confident about this whole thing and whether it will work out or not. I've never been a very assured person...and the way things are going isn't helping. *grimaces*
Onto one of my other problems...the cabin. I still don't know what to do about that! I've been thinking of asking my Mom to let me borrow some of my Christmas money she has saved to reserve it and then pay her back come September so that I can make sure I have the cabin reserved before someone else grabs it! But, when I tried to casually bring it up yesterday (I absolutely freak out when asking someone something!) she didn't seem to care too much about the idea, so I'm still VERY worried about that! I still have not told her about my plans, I just said I was wanting to go to Red River Gorge - which I've been wanting to do for about a year now. So she has no idea how important getting the right cabin and getting it on the right date means to me. (Then again, I've yet to even come out to my parents about my asexuality either...even though I wrote a letter out to them months ago...I have yet to have the guts to print it out and give it to them. >.< I'm a scaredy cat, I'll admit that.)
So, I likely have the library for my reception and party and I likely will have a cake! That's 2 out of 4 down! (Unless something comes up....please, oh please, let everything work out!!!!) But I still don't know what to do about the "honeymoon" trip or about how many people are going to come. In my e-mail to Py Cakes I told them there would be around 20 people...but so far I only have 5-6 people coming and that's if they ALL make it! And I'm not sure yet if all those are coming to the wedding or just the dinner and party. (So far, only one person has for absolutely sure said they are coming to the wedding...that's...disappointing (but yay for that one person!)..."C'mon people! Get a move on!")
Also, I have yet to find someone to officiate. They obviously don't need to be legally ordained or anything since this isn't a legal wedding. I just need someone who can be there to preside over the wedding, someone who can be serious and say a few things as well as someone who can be very comforting and reliable; I want it to be someone I look up to...but that isn't working out yet. I also really want to have at least a couple bridesmaids. (I guess in my case, they would be my best (friends/) supporters.) I have some people in mind that I'd LOVE to ask! But, I'm afraid that asking them specifically would end in them feeling honored and saying "Absolutely!" even if they don't really want to be a part of it (what I wouldn't do to be able to have the power to know if they really want to do it or not before asking!) (I guess you could say I'm paranoid about feeling like I'm forcing them...err...okay, so I actually do suffer from a mild bit of paranoia in general...but still.) After all, they'd have to buy their dresses and such (well, I could buy them for them as gifts if I really, really had to I guess) and then there's whether they'd actually like the dresses that I want them to wear or if they'd just wear them the one time because of me and I don't want them to have to buy or wear something that they don't love as much as I do! Perhaps I worry far too much eh? But it still bothers me.
So yeah...things still feel very stalled right now...perhaps not as failing as yesterday...uhm...a *pinches fingers together* tad. But yeah, I still don't feel very confident about this whole thing and whether it will work out or not. I've never been a very assured person...and the way things are going isn't helping. *grimaces*
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Wedding Update 3: Problems set in...
Okay, so...technically speaking there's already been a few hitches and snags and a few things that might need a more definite ironing out (or rather, beating out with a stick!) But today, in trying to iron the things out that REALLY need it (like reservations, dates, and such) I've managed to somehow run into MORE problems! Some of them are some pretty serious ones at that!
First of all...after much thought...I decided on the date! I decided that I should have it on Saturday, October 27th. But that itself, is causing it's own set of problems as I'll discuss a little later. But first on my BIG problems list - my cake.
My first choice of cake maker was sadly already booked for the weekend before Halloween. So, six days ago I posted on the Facebook page of my 2nd choice of cake maker. Well, they've never gotten back to me! Even though they have posted things on their page since then, so I know they've had to see the notification. So, I figured on a slightly more direct approach. They mentioned that you should e-mail them for cake orders. So, three days ago I sent them an e-mail about reserving the 27th and ordering my cake. Still no reply. I meant to call them today but got back from town much too late to do so. I can only dearly hope that when I call them tomorrow that they will be able to make my cake that weekend...otherwise...well, I don't really know anyone else who could make it! Oh, I'm sure there's other people and places around but I don't know of them and I haven't seen what sort of work they do. I'm in a real pinch here! I don't necessarily need a cake, but I would very much love to!
Onto problem #2 - Reception Venue
My reception is to be at the library in town, in one of their big meeting rooms upstairs. BUT! I called them today and someone answered who sounded....different than normal...in fact at first, I wasn't even sure it was one of the librarians. But I asked about the meeting rooms and, after a few issues, they said they had it and hung up. But a few things about it bothered me...like they didn't double check about the date nor did they ask what times I would need the room for, nor mention the cost (even though last time they told me it was $30 and never took my money...O.o), nor even tell me if anything else was happening that day like they normally do. I figure the person was likely new and might not of been used to taking calls and reserving rooms...but still...it made me feel very unsure about whether I completely have the room or not...guess it made me nervous.
Problem #3 - The Honeymoon
So, the other day I contacted Red River Gorge's cabin rentals about which one of their cabins would be best for stargazing, had a nice mountain-top view, and had wi-fi and the such. They recommended one of their new ones, called Amazing Grace, because several people had said it was one of the best spots up their to watch the night sky and it had both a treeline view and a view of the cliffs below in the gorge. So, I went to their site and found it to be an absolutely beautiful cabin! Plus, it has plenty of room for friends, including Queen bunks for late-night chatting and a game room with pool table! It has everything I could want! Due to their prices though, I decided I would stay there on that Monday and Tuesday (the 29th and 30th). I called them today after reading through their site and seeing that, if I wanted to pay cash, I could give them my credit card number to put a hold on the cabin and pay when I got there. What I apparently missed though, was that you must pay at least 20% on the cabin rental upfront for them to reserve it for you. I...don't have the money...and won't until around the 2nd week of September. It's my DREAM cabin! But...unless I find a way to pony up over $80 very quickly...I'll likely lose out on it. This potential problem is dealing me a crushing and sad blow. I am SO afraid that I won't be able to get the cabin I'm dreaming of! Sure, there's others but...not many have that wonderful ridge-top view I love as well as wi-fi access (which, being the internet addicted person I am, I'll need. Well, that and 3 of my college courses are online...yeah I normally make sure I'm a week ahead in my online work...but some classes don't make that possible with the way they post assignments, plus having internet access assures me that should something go wrong with my work, I'll be able to do something about it while I'm there before it becomes a BIGGER problem! Also, I know I shouldn't be doing homework on my honeymoon...but...this is the real world...and she sucks!)
And then there's Big Problem #4...and my most dreaded one since the beginning...
Guests! Since I'm not sure how many people will take to this whole self-wedding thing, I have been very selective in who I let know about it (such as my closest friends and most open-minded friends). [Although the reception dinner and party is open to any of my friends who want to eat and party!] But, after announcing the date (which was picked because of so many people's complications with attending on Halloween day) I've noticed that I only have a couple or so people who are definite about attending the wedding. (Certainly I would have more if I invited every one of my friends...well, hopefully...they may just all think I'm nuts and make sure not to come! :'( I wanted to have a small wedding party of really accepting folk...6-8 maybe...something like that. Have someone to officiate, a couple or so bridesmaids, and a few non-participators to watch/take pics, etc. But it looks like, at best...I'll be lucky...if 2-3 people show up! And just to watch at that! No bridesmaids, no officiant....nothing... This just won't work! It's making me terribly distraught and uncertain about the whole thing. It's ruining as much of my confidence as I think it would if my closest friends just up and told me it was stupid and they weren't going to have anything to do with it! I am now having the thought that, maybe I should do it on Sunday instead of Saturday! That'd help right? That was my first choice. But then I thought that Saturday would be better for everyone...that more people could come! Not less! Plus this would give me a whole day of rest after all the partying to go back home, unload the shit ton of decorations and leftovers and get some sleep in before driving 2 hours to the Gorge! I know I can't please everyone's schedules...but still...
Perhaps I'm worrying too much, perhaps it'll be just fine...but...
But...nothing seems to be working out...I was so excited! So pumped! It gave me something to look forward too, something to plan, something to do every day! (I mean, just check out my Pinterest board for some of what I've been doing and planning: Halloween Wedding Board) But now...I'm feeling almost as if I should cancel everything...I've become so disinheartened. I figured on 6-8 wedding guests and close to 20 reception/party guests. Now it looks like at best I'll have 2-3 wedding guests (no wedding party) and maybe...5-6 people at the reception and party! With as much as I was going to do, with as much money as I was planning on spending for this - to make it something fun and great...I'm afraid anything under a total of 10 people...isn't....worth it. And it's killing my very soul. I DON'T want to cancel! I want to have all my friends there! I want to have fun with everyone! (It's starting to feel like all my old birthdays where I ponied up $50-$100 to rent a place and invited every single person I knew and only got like...2... people to show up...at most! Once, no one showed up! And the 2nd time, only 2 came, and one got there because I literally stopped at his house and drug him with me! The last time, I invited 20 friends and expected at least half...I got 5...not a good track record there.)
It always seems like every time I plan something, it goes terribly wrong somehow...and I always wind up crying the night after. I DON'T want that to happen again! This whole thing is about improving myself! Perhaps I should just not care and have it anyway? Because I've always wanted to...because I've dreamed of it for so long. But...what if hardly anyone at all shows up? How about if no one enjoys it? What if I wind up spending the night crying again!? I know I can't expect things to go perfectly (when does it!?) and I know I can be an irritating perfectionist with things, but...I can't help but feel this way (even though feeling hurt as easily as this is one of the things I want to work on improving!)
I also can't help but have that strange feeling that...if this was a REAL wedding...a, me marrying some dude sort of wedding, if it would be different somehow? If more people would be excited and try their best to come? (I can understand things coming up and already having plans and such, I don't hold people accountable for things they can't control and I DEFINITELY don't like guilt-ing (or feeling like I'm guilt-ing) anyone into anything...cause then I...well I feel worse than shit! So maybe I shouldn't even say anything. But isn't keeping things in just as bad? It's what I always do when somethings bothering me, and I hate it...but I also always regret saying something about it too...even when it's true. I'll probably wind up regretting posting this and sharing it. See why I want to have something like this now? I want to make a commitment to improve myself when it comes to things like these!) But, if it was me marrying someone else...would it be different? I have no way of knowing for sure, but I can't help but have that awful feeling in the back of my mind and in my gut that...is this wasn't something so rare, so un-heard of...if it was..."normal"...would this still all be happening? I mean, it certainly could...but would it?
And, I'm sorry to say, but my friends should probably never expect something like a "normal" wedding to happen with me. Sure, it'd certainly be nice to find some asexual guy who likes me and whom I can get along with...but with only around 1% of the population being asexual...what are the chances of that!? And how about if he was a romantic asexual? The hugging, kissing, cuddling type...could he even stand me!? Because I'm not like that...I can't stand those things. Or, even if he wasn't ace, could we get along? Could we make it work? It hasn't happened yet...and quite frankly with as shy and introverted as I am, with as weird and eccentric as I am, I really don't logically see it happening. So, for me, logically speaking, this will likely me the ONLY time I ever get to have a wedding! I want, like every other bride, for this to be great, for it to be fun, for it to be... special...but I have this awfully, sneaking suspicion that, unless things change, it will be nothing more than a complete fail and another check mark on my growing list of failed "fun" events.
Like I said, I'll probably regret posting this and sharing it...but I promise not to delete it. I NEEDED to get this out. Sorry I'm such a sad sack of depression and uneasiness. But, it's truth...it's honesty...it's me and how I feel. I'm sharing it. That's rare. It's hard for me to do. It's something I want to improve...even though it hurts and will likely always hurt. Welcome to my world. Please don't suddenly and frantically change your minds or start apologizing. I know the intention is good...but it only makes me feel worse...for making you feel worse. Please, don't make this harder on me than it already is.
First of all...after much thought...I decided on the date! I decided that I should have it on Saturday, October 27th. But that itself, is causing it's own set of problems as I'll discuss a little later. But first on my BIG problems list - my cake.
My first choice of cake maker was sadly already booked for the weekend before Halloween. So, six days ago I posted on the Facebook page of my 2nd choice of cake maker. Well, they've never gotten back to me! Even though they have posted things on their page since then, so I know they've had to see the notification. So, I figured on a slightly more direct approach. They mentioned that you should e-mail them for cake orders. So, three days ago I sent them an e-mail about reserving the 27th and ordering my cake. Still no reply. I meant to call them today but got back from town much too late to do so. I can only dearly hope that when I call them tomorrow that they will be able to make my cake that weekend...otherwise...well, I don't really know anyone else who could make it! Oh, I'm sure there's other people and places around but I don't know of them and I haven't seen what sort of work they do. I'm in a real pinch here! I don't necessarily need a cake, but I would very much love to!
Onto problem #2 - Reception Venue
My reception is to be at the library in town, in one of their big meeting rooms upstairs. BUT! I called them today and someone answered who sounded....different than normal...in fact at first, I wasn't even sure it was one of the librarians. But I asked about the meeting rooms and, after a few issues, they said they had it and hung up. But a few things about it bothered me...like they didn't double check about the date nor did they ask what times I would need the room for, nor mention the cost (even though last time they told me it was $30 and never took my money...O.o), nor even tell me if anything else was happening that day like they normally do. I figure the person was likely new and might not of been used to taking calls and reserving rooms...but still...it made me feel very unsure about whether I completely have the room or not...guess it made me nervous.
Problem #3 - The Honeymoon
So, the other day I contacted Red River Gorge's cabin rentals about which one of their cabins would be best for stargazing, had a nice mountain-top view, and had wi-fi and the such. They recommended one of their new ones, called Amazing Grace, because several people had said it was one of the best spots up their to watch the night sky and it had both a treeline view and a view of the cliffs below in the gorge. So, I went to their site and found it to be an absolutely beautiful cabin! Plus, it has plenty of room for friends, including Queen bunks for late-night chatting and a game room with pool table! It has everything I could want! Due to their prices though, I decided I would stay there on that Monday and Tuesday (the 29th and 30th). I called them today after reading through their site and seeing that, if I wanted to pay cash, I could give them my credit card number to put a hold on the cabin and pay when I got there. What I apparently missed though, was that you must pay at least 20% on the cabin rental upfront for them to reserve it for you. I...don't have the money...and won't until around the 2nd week of September. It's my DREAM cabin! But...unless I find a way to pony up over $80 very quickly...I'll likely lose out on it. This potential problem is dealing me a crushing and sad blow. I am SO afraid that I won't be able to get the cabin I'm dreaming of! Sure, there's others but...not many have that wonderful ridge-top view I love as well as wi-fi access (which, being the internet addicted person I am, I'll need. Well, that and 3 of my college courses are online...yeah I normally make sure I'm a week ahead in my online work...but some classes don't make that possible with the way they post assignments, plus having internet access assures me that should something go wrong with my work, I'll be able to do something about it while I'm there before it becomes a BIGGER problem! Also, I know I shouldn't be doing homework on my honeymoon...but...this is the real world...and she sucks!)
And then there's Big Problem #4...and my most dreaded one since the beginning...
Guests! Since I'm not sure how many people will take to this whole self-wedding thing, I have been very selective in who I let know about it (such as my closest friends and most open-minded friends). [Although the reception dinner and party is open to any of my friends who want to eat and party!] But, after announcing the date (which was picked because of so many people's complications with attending on Halloween day) I've noticed that I only have a couple or so people who are definite about attending the wedding. (Certainly I would have more if I invited every one of my friends...well, hopefully...they may just all think I'm nuts and make sure not to come! :'( I wanted to have a small wedding party of really accepting folk...6-8 maybe...something like that. Have someone to officiate, a couple or so bridesmaids, and a few non-participators to watch/take pics, etc. But it looks like, at best...I'll be lucky...if 2-3 people show up! And just to watch at that! No bridesmaids, no officiant....nothing... This just won't work! It's making me terribly distraught and uncertain about the whole thing. It's ruining as much of my confidence as I think it would if my closest friends just up and told me it was stupid and they weren't going to have anything to do with it! I am now having the thought that, maybe I should do it on Sunday instead of Saturday! That'd help right? That was my first choice. But then I thought that Saturday would be better for everyone...that more people could come! Not less! Plus this would give me a whole day of rest after all the partying to go back home, unload the shit ton of decorations and leftovers and get some sleep in before driving 2 hours to the Gorge! I know I can't please everyone's schedules...but still...
Perhaps I'm worrying too much, perhaps it'll be just fine...but...
But...nothing seems to be working out...I was so excited! So pumped! It gave me something to look forward too, something to plan, something to do every day! (I mean, just check out my Pinterest board for some of what I've been doing and planning: Halloween Wedding Board) But now...I'm feeling almost as if I should cancel everything...I've become so disinheartened. I figured on 6-8 wedding guests and close to 20 reception/party guests. Now it looks like at best I'll have 2-3 wedding guests (no wedding party) and maybe...5-6 people at the reception and party! With as much as I was going to do, with as much money as I was planning on spending for this - to make it something fun and great...I'm afraid anything under a total of 10 people...isn't....worth it. And it's killing my very soul. I DON'T want to cancel! I want to have all my friends there! I want to have fun with everyone! (It's starting to feel like all my old birthdays where I ponied up $50-$100 to rent a place and invited every single person I knew and only got like...2... people to show up...at most! Once, no one showed up! And the 2nd time, only 2 came, and one got there because I literally stopped at his house and drug him with me! The last time, I invited 20 friends and expected at least half...I got 5...not a good track record there.)
It always seems like every time I plan something, it goes terribly wrong somehow...and I always wind up crying the night after. I DON'T want that to happen again! This whole thing is about improving myself! Perhaps I should just not care and have it anyway? Because I've always wanted to...because I've dreamed of it for so long. But...what if hardly anyone at all shows up? How about if no one enjoys it? What if I wind up spending the night crying again!? I know I can't expect things to go perfectly (when does it!?) and I know I can be an irritating perfectionist with things, but...I can't help but feel this way (even though feeling hurt as easily as this is one of the things I want to work on improving!)
I also can't help but have that strange feeling that...if this was a REAL wedding...a, me marrying some dude sort of wedding, if it would be different somehow? If more people would be excited and try their best to come? (I can understand things coming up and already having plans and such, I don't hold people accountable for things they can't control and I DEFINITELY don't like guilt-ing (or feeling like I'm guilt-ing) anyone into anything...cause then I...well I feel worse than shit! So maybe I shouldn't even say anything. But isn't keeping things in just as bad? It's what I always do when somethings bothering me, and I hate it...but I also always regret saying something about it too...even when it's true. I'll probably wind up regretting posting this and sharing it. See why I want to have something like this now? I want to make a commitment to improve myself when it comes to things like these!) But, if it was me marrying someone else...would it be different? I have no way of knowing for sure, but I can't help but have that awful feeling in the back of my mind and in my gut that...is this wasn't something so rare, so un-heard of...if it was..."normal"...would this still all be happening? I mean, it certainly could...but would it?
And, I'm sorry to say, but my friends should probably never expect something like a "normal" wedding to happen with me. Sure, it'd certainly be nice to find some asexual guy who likes me and whom I can get along with...but with only around 1% of the population being asexual...what are the chances of that!? And how about if he was a romantic asexual? The hugging, kissing, cuddling type...could he even stand me!? Because I'm not like that...I can't stand those things. Or, even if he wasn't ace, could we get along? Could we make it work? It hasn't happened yet...and quite frankly with as shy and introverted as I am, with as weird and eccentric as I am, I really don't logically see it happening. So, for me, logically speaking, this will likely me the ONLY time I ever get to have a wedding! I want, like every other bride, for this to be great, for it to be fun, for it to be... special...but I have this awfully, sneaking suspicion that, unless things change, it will be nothing more than a complete fail and another check mark on my growing list of failed "fun" events.
Like I said, I'll probably regret posting this and sharing it...but I promise not to delete it. I NEEDED to get this out. Sorry I'm such a sad sack of depression and uneasiness. But, it's truth...it's honesty...it's me and how I feel. I'm sharing it. That's rare. It's hard for me to do. It's something I want to improve...even though it hurts and will likely always hurt. Welcome to my world. Please don't suddenly and frantically change your minds or start apologizing. I know the intention is good...but it only makes me feel worse...for making you feel worse. Please, don't make this harder on me than it already is.
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