Platonic Love Longing ~Valentine Special~

So...it's been forever since I last posted huh? Don't worry...I didn't die...I swear to you that I'm no undead creature writing this (or am I? O.o)
Actually, a while back I started a post...but I've never finished it, so it sits here on my Blogger account in lovely draft form waiting for someone to love it again and finish it. It was going to be my Asexuality 101  post...but I sadly had a fight with it and we're no longer on speaking terms...after all, there's many other wonderful Asexual 101 posts out there for me to lust over...

All the "love" puns here should be pointing your mind somewhere, if the calendar hasn't already. As many of you know, there's this weird red and pink, heart covered holiday known as 'Valentine's Day' (or 'Hearts and Hooves Day' for you bronies out there!) coming up in a few weeks. Scary how it likes to just creep up on you in the middle of winter isn't it? XD Anyway, this post is about love and I figured now is a good time to post it as any! Sadly, it's not about me being all mushy-mushy and lovey-dovey...it actually might be a little sad really. Sorry in advance for bringing on some potential gloom, but these feels of mine have been bothering me for a while now and I need to set them free. Also, the optimists reading this may see this as an interesting look inside of a (longing for love) aromantic asexual's mind.

The thing is that, yes, I identify as aro-ace (shorthand for aromantic asexual.) Now, for some of you, you may be utterly confused as to what that means. Well, a dictionary style description would be: Someone who neither experiences romantic nor sexual attraction to anyone. And for the most part, that fits me well. I do not experience sexual attraction to anyone, do not ever want to have sex, do not desire sex, and see no point in sex with anyone. However, "aromanticism" can be a little bit more difficult according to who you talk to. Some aromantics do not desire relationships at all, besides friends and familial relationships. They don't seek out partners and don't care much for dating. Then there's the aromantics who do want relationships...just without much romantic stuff in it, a platonic sort of relationship. To me, my aromanticism describes the fact that I don't like kissing, cuddling, and hugging, but that I still long for a relationship. (The murky part of aromanticism being of course, what does one consider to be 'romantic' - with me it's mostly physical things (like the hugging, kissing, hand holding, etc.). To others its about being "in love" [whatever that means! XD]. If it's wanting to spend time with someone a lot, thinking about them a lot, willing to risk you life for them sort of thing - well, that's how I feel about all my close friends, so that's friendly love to me, not romantic. Hence why I base my aromanticism on touch.)

But getting more to the point here (now that some explanations are out of the way), I am one of those aromantics who really do long for a relationship. Of course, not wanting sex, and not wanting much to do with any sort of physical affection is sort of a deal-breaker for most prospective partners/dates. True, it's a tough life for any asexual looking for love...bring in a dislike of touch and you've managed to narrow down an already narrow set. Then of course there is the matter of, if you do manage find such a person (perhaps another ace, or even another aro-ace who wants a relationship) will the two of you get along? Are you very compatible? Could you fall "in love"? It makes it all a very difficult, murky mess indeed!

So that's the problem. Here I am an aromantic ace who longs for a loving, emotional, platonic, life-long relationship. It's been driving me crazy as of late (perhaps its just me, perhaps its the 'Winter Blues' who knows). I've tried dating sites (both the asexual sort [trying that one again recently] and the normal sort) and I've gotten some responses, good ones! But after a few messages back and forth...they just suddenly drop out of sight. I always find it odd, because they've read my profile, they know how I am, they seem to be enjoying the conversation, and then BAM! Gone...no more new messages from them ever. I also live in a small, rural area (the middle of nowhere according to some folks! XD) which isn't helping any. Finding another ace is difficult no matter where you are, but if you're not near a big city or have easy access to one, you're really screwed when it comes to finding others! So, it really hurts. There's always that thought with many asexuals, can we find someone willing to accept us the way we are? Will we get along and have a good relationship with that person? It's hard for anyone, asexual or not. But it's even harder considering how limited the search can be when, like me, you're not willing to compromise on sex (some asexuals are, I'm just not one of them.) So it really hurts, I really am longing to find that one awesome person who doesn't want sex or kissing, for someone who doesn't mind if I'm not too enthusiastic about hugging or cuddling. I just want that someone like that, who can make me laugh, make me feel comfortable and happy. I want to truly experience 'love' in that sort of sense. I'm trying to find what I call a platonic life partner. I want that someone I could possibly live with, create a future with, get married to, and possibly even raise a kid with! (Okay, that part I'm still considering...and it'd definitely be through AI - bring on that turkey baster! XD lmao)

But yeah, so I don't want sex. I don't want kissing. I don't care for hugging, cuddling, and hand holding (but I might could compromise with those ones...I've managed over the years to get used to two of my friends tackle hugging me at every chance they get, one's male, one's female...so maybe I could compromise on the hugging bit.) But I do want love. I do want a companion. I do want that 'special someone.' And, if I'm superbly lucky...maybe, one day I will find that. I'll admit I have my very obvious doubts, I don't see it happening logically. But I don't want to give up either! So I'm going to keep up some hope, however small, that some day, I won't be alone. That someday I might find the partner I long for.

And really, isn't that what so many of us want? Perhaps not all of us of course, but many of us do, whether we're homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual, asexual, bisexual, or whatever else! We're not all that different...whether its a sexual relationship, romantic relationship, platonic relationship, friendly relationship, familial relationship...the one thing we all desire - is love. In whatever form we may want it in, we still desire it, one way or the other.

So, no matter your relationship status or how much you even care about such things...

Happy Valentine's Day!

And yes, I made this cake! It's rainbow swirled inside! :D

Some notes - For more info on asexuality or aromanticism, please check out the following links:
AVEN

Asexuality on Wikipedia

The AVEN Wiki on Aromanticism

Cosplay Ghost Hunting!?

I know...I know...I promised posts about weird Wiccan related things and asexuality...Don't worry! I still intend to write those! It's just...I'm trying to get idea about what exactly to write about them. I have an interesting idea for the Wicca post but it's going to take a long time to do, and I'm still waiting on people to give me ideas about the asexuality post! I don't want to write an "Intro to Asexuality" type of thing. There's too many wonderful sites like that already! I'm looking more for specific things about it...but alas...I'm getting nothing...*sigh*

Anyway...before I get *too* off track...lol

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I want to go ghost hunting!
Okay, technically, I've been dying to go...for...forever! But, something always came up, or I had no one to go with, or nowhere to go! Ugh...but! Finally I have a place! I have paranormal, ghost hunting-loving friends to go with, AND the semester's over and I'm free!!!! YES! But, it's a short window...weather wise...tomorrow's my last chance for probably...well, for a long time. But I've also been in cosplay-mode lately! So...I sort of want to ghost hunting while cosplaying...that's not weird right? XD 'Course not! I'm eccentric! Let's do this thing! And I already know who to cosplay! Rin Okumura! :D Sure, I STILL don't have his tail made yet and his ears kinda mess with my hearing (okay not really, but they feel like they do! lol) and a wig, button-down shirt, blazer, etc. seems complicated to wear while ghost hunting...but it also feels...it feels right you know? XD (Well, he IS training to be an exorcist and all...lol) I think I would really enjoy it!

But while thinking that this idea was weird (although truthfully I'm just combining some of my favorite interests!) I decided to Google it. Turns out, I'm not the first person to think of cosplay ghost hunting! Also, I ran across this in my search: Ghost-hunting, cosplaying & Other Unusual Interests
And one long scroll down that page gave me the creeps! (the awesome creeps! XD) It's like they wrote it about me! O.o I cosplay, I ghost hunt, I like UFO spotting, I like cemeteries, and I like geo-caching! (Only the locksport one was off.) Creepy huh? lol Of course the eccentric would take part in almost all of those "unusual" hobbies! XD

Anyway, if I get to go, I promise to post pictures here of my fun adventure! :D

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Also, if anyone knows something about asexuality they would like me to write about - let me know!

A little change is good...?

So, as only my friends might know...the wedding...didn't happen!

Yes, when it came down to it...it was far too much stress for just one lil 'ol me! I tried to do everything great and perfect and...mostly by myself...that just doesn't work well regardless of what you're trying to do!

Originally I still wanted to have the ceremony though, even if that meant not doing any of the great things I planned and, instead, just having a fantabulous Halloween party and doing a quiet solo-ceremony at my cabin. Well, that didn't work out either! My Halloween party went well mind you (erm...after some setbacks. Namely the library being a butthole and double-booking and the other party arriving just minutes before us and taking the main room (the room that had the speaker system, kitchen, etc. that we needed!!!) and leaving us in the kids room (which they could've easily used! They were having a kids party! Instead we got stuck with brightly painted fairytale walls, tiny chairs, and no sound system...not enough tables, and melted sherbert because we couldn't use their freezer!) But we suffered through it until they left and then switched rooms. It wasn't what I had planned...AT ALL!!! But, it turned out well enough and we all had fun and that's what matters in the end! (Also, my cake turned out EPIC! So...yay!) So, thinking back, it's probably good that I wasn't having the wedding with how everything worked out! Haha!

So that left the cabin and the solo-ceremony. Well, we couldn't go when I had planned due to freak October snow storm compliments of Hurricane Sandy (it's like everything was out to get meh)! So, I called and had my reservation changed to the week after (no more before Halloween awesomeness! O.O) And then things went crazy once more and only one of my friends got to go. (I think I mentioned before that nothing I plan ever works right...See? I wasn't lying!) But we went together and had fun in the hot tub, played with a stray kitten, bought an uber cute fox plush, and filled pot holes! (lol Don't ask...XD) But because of all that, there was no Full Moon/Samhain rituals, no cosplay and horror movies, and no self-wedding! But, with all that went horribly wrong I still had fun! And, I'd like to try this again...next year! (Perhaps, have it at the con I want to go to...or on Halloween day with just a few friends...etc...so many, many, idea! :D I'm still somewhat optimistic here!)

So, anyway, that's how things went and now the days are passing and the holidays are nearing and I'm working like mad on all my homework from college! (Cursing Illustrator and essay topics and carrying on as usual.)

So here's the part where the title of this post comes in! Since Halloween is over (and with it my idea of posting interesting Halloween things each day) and my self-wedding got canceled, I've decided I'll be changing gears with this blog and focusing on other things in my life and that I think about. So, get ready for my eccentric mind tying in weird things with Wicca and mythology and posts about asexuality! I'm thinking the topics may be somewhat difficult for those new to either Wicca or asexuality and perhaps they may not be completely PC and fit in with how everyone else thinks (hey, I'm eccentric remember! I see things in a weird way!) So just bare with me and be ready for some interesting things! :)

Wedding Update #8: Dress to impress!

So earlier today (err...yesterday...darn Midnight...lol) I went by the dress shop again hoping and having my fingers crossed that the dress I liked was still there...and it was!!! Lucky me! What are the chances?

Anyway, I have an appointment next Wednesday to see how much it would cost to take it in a little and add straps, and that's it! Dress shopping done! (Although, while I was there, I saw a dress 5 times prettier...but it was a size 8...damn...XD) But I'm still quite happy! And guess what? I took a moment trying it on today to check what brand it was  - it's a Dere Kiang. And oddly it's the same dress I first posted here (albeit that was a stolen image from the official website by Chinese eBay sellers who will re-create it on the cheap...but not fast...otherwise I would grab it from them! lol Although, looking at "official" sites online - I got the best deal ever on it!) But, because I found out who it was by, I could find better pictures of it now! So here you go!

Remember, click to enlarge!

So you can see the center jewel is clearly NOT a red stone!

It's a tad longer on me though...lol I'm short.

I'm also, trying to decide on veil now - black of course to go with the theme. Any help with deciding would be appreciated!

I'm between these two so far:

I seem to be liking the shorter veils for some reason.

This weekend I'm going Hallo-shopping with some of my friends and hopefully I can pick up the rest of my stuff for the party while there. (Although I did pick up a  few Halloween things earlier today.)

Now, all that's left is to get my bridesmaids their lovely dresses. I'm also still looking for people to help make some creepy foods! Think of it like a potluck (for the party - I have food for the wedding dinner!) and bring some scary appetizers and sweets please!

And then it's all up to the day and heavy decorating! XD

Wedding Update #7: Woohoo!!! Cabin rented!

So, first let me say this (in case the title didn't clue you in already) - I FINALLY GOT A CABIN RENTED!!!! And for the right days! Ohmigosh I'm just so excited!!!

Whew! Now that that's out of the way - let me tell you of how much trouble this wound up being first before showing you the pretty pics of the cabin I got!

First off, as you may know - I've been waiting on my money to come in and the wait has been causing almost all my problems. I managed to finally get my Mom and Dad to go in together and let me borrow $70 - just about what I needed to pay the 20% partial payment to reserve the cabin I had in mind. Well, I got it put in the bank and called up Red River Gorge's Cabin Rental place...the girl who answered was unsure about paying 20% and said the best she knew she could do on the particular cabin I had in mind was $100. I admitted I didn't have near that much so she said she would call the owner and get back to me. Well...I waited...and I waited...so then I called back to find out that she still hadn't gotten a hold of the owner due to the owner's husband being in the hospital. That was sad to hear and I felt kind of bad for bothering her. Well, later that night I checked the website - the cabin I had wanted had been rented! Argh! But - being somewhat   persevering as I was I called again the next day - still no word on the 20%. Well, then I found out that many of my friends (for various reasons) could no longer make it. Then I decided - screw it! Go find a cheaper, smaller cabin - this way my $70 should cover the partial payment amount! Well I called again today - no answer. I called the owner's cell - no answer. I though 'Oh dear...there's not going to be anything left by the time I get enough money to pay in full! *sigh*' But then...I tried one.more.time! I got an answer! From the owner herself! She was on the road at the time but said 20% would be just fine! She called me back just a few minutes later and took all of my information! I went through so much for it to wind up being so dang simple!

So, it wasn't my first pick (Amazing Grace) and it wasn't my 2nd pick (Sundancer) - but what I got (though a lot smaller and less fancy-shmancy looking) is still a most excellent cabin indeed! And where it's at is truly beautiful! On a ridge top overlooking the gorge! It's a breathtaking spot indeed! Beautiful for sunrises/sunsets, and stargazing! I'll admit that I was quite tied between this one and the Grandview cabin - both had beautiful views - the Grandview had an excellent mountain view and the one I got (Kentucky Sunset) has an excellent view of the gorge - I was torn...but somehow KY Sunset won me over! It doesn't have the neat porch swing that the Grandview has...or the mountain view - but a gorge view with a hot tub overlooking it all and up on a little ridge top is truly great!

So here are some pics off their website of the cabin I rented - KY Sunset:

Look at all that sky! I'm so taking my telescope for some stargazing! And guess what? Totally gonna be a Full Moon when I'm there! (Perhaps we can even have an Esbat ritual - or an early Samhain ritual!)

Check out this hot tub on the deck! Look at the view from it! Gorgeous!

And this is what you can see from the living room! O.O

And for more pics, check it out on their website here: Kentucky Sunset - Red River Gorge Cabin Rentals

And if you scroll over to October on the reservation calendar - you see that October 29th and 30th is in green? Guess what? That's me! That's my reservation! YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!

So - now, what else is there to say? I have my location (wedding and reception), my officiant, my bridesmaids, my cake, my cabin - I have to go shopping for decorations and supplies soon (next weekend or the one after that I'll be out Halloween shopping with my friends for that.) I have to get my dress (fingers crossed that its still at the dress shop by some miracle...ordering online will be cutting it close!) Getting my bridesmaids their dresses. Placing orders for food (I think I'll just order large orders that day instead of catering exactly - there's not gonna be THAT many people!) Also, getting help with making the "creepy" foods. And then hoping all goes well!

Wish me luck everyone!

Wedding Update #6: Good and bad

Well, I have both good and bad news...which one should I tell you about first?

The bad? Get it over with now?

Alright then.

Bad news is this: I lost the chance at renting my dream cabin! I've been checking on it every single day while waiting on my money to come in to make sure no one else rented it before me for the 29th-30th of October...well, yesterday morning I checked while having a slight sense of dread...and sure enough, my sixth sense was right! It had been rented! So, I lost my #1 favorite, dream cabin! It feels terrible...my heart had been set on that one! But alas, I can do nothing about it...no sense in crying over spilled milk they say! Nothing you can do after it spills any way, just clean up the mess and continue along.

So, I went through their website and took note of some other cabins that are still open that I think are okay...they're not my dream cabin, but they're good enough. The only problem is they don't fit my top 3 criteria: good mountaintop view, wifi, and my own bed. All the other ones in my price range with wifi...are in the hills...not the mountaintop...but I've decided that the view is my #1 priority, so...no wifi it is, but at least I will get a good view! Also, I may have thought of something else to help out with my 'no wifi' issue...since my cellphone is a monthly advance pay plan...I can, for the month of October, add on a data plan and use my phone as a hot spot at the cabin! It will be slow as all get out...but at least I'll be able to check on my e-mail and school assignments if need be.

So...good news time!

I have an officiant! And two bridesmaids! Wheee!!!

I managed to suck it up (remember my fear of asking people favors?) and ask 3 of my closest friends to help out. I asked one of my friends to officiate for me, as sort of a return for officiating her wedding, plus, she's also pretty cool and said her hubby may just show up with fake beard and shot gun for my wedding! lmao!! (Sort of an in-joke I know...XD) Then I asked my two best friends to be my bridesmaids. They've been with me since I was 9 years old! So, of course, I wanted them to be with me for such an important day as well! And they both said they support my idea, even better! So excited! I've also made plans to 'treat' these three lovely gals for all their help when it gets closer to the date. :3

My only other concern is how many people will show up for the wedding, and the party, and if they'll have a lot of fun and enjoy themselves! (I certainly hope so! *fingers crossed it goes well*)

....and the decorations...but that's all later...shopping is in my future!

Wedding Update #5: A Cake and...ARGH!

So, there's been a slight change with my cake, but good thing is that I got confirmation this time! I'm having my wonderful cake made by Jennifer Noble from the Treehouse Cafe and Bakery, which is new and going to open soon. (Apparently she formerly worked at Py Cakes...I dunno what all happened...but I'm just glad I got someone to make my cake!) She was very nice and answered very quickly to all my questions and such, so I'm very happy about that! :) And not only am I gonna get my awesome cake, but it was very well priced too! Considering the sorts of prices I've seen on fancy cakes before, I was expecting it to be WAY up there! But, I was pleasantly surprised with the price! It made me even happier knowing how affordable it would be! So, I'm going to have a cake similar to the one I posted before, 2 layers, made out of red velvet and chocolate, and the pumpkin on top will be made out of rice crispies! Sounds yummy huh? (So happy!!!)

Now onto the next food related thing. I've decided where to cater the noms! I want a nice filling meal for everyone so I decided to go with some more home-style foods. I'm going to hopefully get all the side dishes from KFC and order some chicken from Joe's Drive-In. (You see, in the past couple of years I've had "issues" with the local KFC's chicken...namely that my chicken was always in a giant puddle of grease! I mean, no piece of fried chicken should be so greasy as to have the grease come through the parchment paper under it, through its cardboard box, and through several napkins under the box! And then to pick it up and have the skin slowly slide off into its own greasy pile...is...disgusting! And yes, I've ate at other KFC's that were just fine, and sometimes the local one is okay...but lately their track record with me has been...well...eww...at best...so...yeah, Joe's Chicken is the main course winner! That stuff was pretty much better than KFC's anyway! Go Joe's! But...I do love KFC's side dishes better! Their mashed potatoes and gravy is wonderful! (I mean, who DOESN'T like mashed taters!? Okay, so maybe the tater-loving Irish in me is sticking out a bit, but oh well!) Also, their Mac n Cheese! My Mom hates it as she likes more liquidy Mac, but I LOVE KFC's thick, ooey, gooey, cheesey Mac n Cheese! And their biscuits! Mmmm... Also, their cole slaw isn't bad either, and I'm not that much of a cole slaw lover, so that's saying quite a bit!)
The only thing this leaves is the appetizers and snacks, which I would like to be all..."creepy" for the occasion. So far, that's gonna be up to me to make, not sure how that's gonna turn out without some help. I want quite a few 'creepy' foods too, both sweets and savory ones. I'm thinking of trying my hand at things like foot-shaped meatloaf and such...we'll see how that goes. Hopefully someone with better cooking skills can lend me a hand! *pun most definitely intended XD*

So, the reception place is rented, cake has been ordered, caterers decided (will have to contact them about info on their catering services - but I'm rather certain they both do them. Joe's I know does, and I know KFC enjoys large orders (by the way, how weird is it to go to KFC and order only side dishes I wonder? lol) Also, the driving plan for that morning has been set! Go to Hazard, pick up cake, drive by KFC, then (since I'm going to Whitesburg, I can go by the lake way and stop by Joe's and then onto the 'burg. I wonder if the library will be okay with locking up the meeting room and kitchen so we can keep unwanted people out of the decorations and food during wedding time?) So far, so good! Just have to buy my dress (*fingers crossed that Pretty Impressions still has the one I want, 'cause eBay shipping from China might not make it in time!) and all the decor now pretty much (many Halloween shopping trips with my besties have been planned!) Except for one little thing...

RED RIVER GORGE! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

Okay, so, I'm okay (so far) the cabin I want is still available for the 29th and 30th of October. (I know it is, because every.SINGLE.day I check their website like someone with OCD! And pray that when I scroll the reservations calendar to October that those days aren't covered in green squares (meaning 'reserved'). So far, so good...but it doesn't calm my worrying though.) I talked to my Mom about lending me some cash...but, she got started on this "That's too much (not what she would need to lend me, but for the total- that I'M paying!); Why don't you just take us?; We'd like to go!; Why don't you make your friends pay!" sort of thing...ugh. What I can't seem to get her to understand is that, whether anyone else goes or not - I'M GOING! Which means, if no one else went, I'd still be out the same amount! Plus, if my friends all had to pay I'd likely be going alone! I don't mind! I'm going anyway, and some of them will be paying the gas to drive themselves there, the only thing different is, I won't be going alone this way! And yes, they could come, but my family doesn't get along with all my friends, plus, they know nothing of this wedding thing and nothing about my asexuality! I don't want it to be awkward or there to be fights! (That's the opposite of what I want while there!) So...for now, I'm stuck with no clue on how to reserve my precious cabin for those days until I get my money in September, which may (or may not, hopefully) be too late. I can only keep my fingers crossed and pray that no one rents out that cabin for then before I can get to it.

I mean, who wouldn't want to go here!? Look at the view through those windows! Amazing!

And finally, the last thing. GUESTS! Again! I have a total of 6 people saying that they will be there right now, and 2 maybe's. (But, as we all know, normally only half the people who say their coming  usually make it - at least in my experience.) So at the VERY best (everyone comes) that will be...8 people... :| And it will likely be closer to 3-4, if my experience counts for anything. That's...REALLY disappointing! For both the wedding and the party! I would ideally like to have around 6-8 really devoted people at the wedding and closer to 15+ for the dinner and party. After all, party's should have LOTS of people dancing and having fun! And, what am I going to do about an officiant or bridesmaids!? *sigh* What to do, what to do... I can always make a separate event page for the party, make it a friend's event instead of invite only, that should (theoretically) bring in more people for the party...but that doesn't help the wedding situation. Also, why don't people respond to invites!? Like it would kill them to take a second to click 'join', 'maybe', or 'decline'! I can see it if you're not sure about your schedule yet...but it's annoying, at least let me know something! Ordering food amounts without knowing how many people might be coming is...a dangerous guessing game between having WAY too much food, and WAY too less. Please let me know something people! (I should mention, also, since the event page I made was for the whole thing, I'm not really sure to what (out of my 8-10 guests) are going to show up for. I asked them to post whether they were going to the wedding, reception dinner, party, or all...but I only got like, 1 solid answer for that... :S

Anyway, trying to keep my spirits (lol!) up here and hope for the best! Maybe some sort of strange Halloween magick will be worked and I'll have lots of nice guests! (Hear that my witchy friends? You have my permission to work yer magicks! lol) After all, I'll need support there, and there will be a 1st, 2nd, 3rd place costume contest - I'll need plenty of guests to make that fun!)

Also, officiant-san, bridesmaids-san...(had to weird that up a bit there didn't I? XD) Where are you? Who will be you? Hm...